When last you left us, we were boarding the flight that would deliver us to Australia from our sojourn in New Zealand.
First Impressions
Some arrivals are more trying than others. After an entire day on a bus, followed by a tour of post-apocalyptic Christ Church, followed by a three hour flight to Melbourne, followed by another bus ride, followed by a disembarkation amidst a flock of boozed-out, drugged-out homeless people, we arrived at our hotel at 11:45 PM. Our detailed itinerary informed us that we could now enjoy the rest of our day "at leisure". I do not believe they were being ironic. It was not a good start....
Everybody's Beautiful in their own Way...
In the last blog I mentioned that Melbourne was extremely multi-cultural. Walking the streets, it looks like about 30-40 percent of the population is Asian-ish, about the same European-ish, some Aborigines (more up North) a smattering of Middle Easterners, and everybody sort of cross breeding. We liked Melbourne a lot even though it wasn't on the Ocean. But I won't bore you with all the tourist spots other than to say that Queen Victoria market was phenomenal and really could compete with any European market. We wandered into a small shop there that dealt in Aboriginal art on a fair trade basis. The owner (Aboriginal) and her son were fascinating and very nice. We bought a painting with some level of angst (having, characteristically, done no research or comparison pricing) and (for once!) emerged the victors both in terms of quality and price. Hopefully Michael will shoot a photo.
 |
| The painting titled "Dreamtime Sisters" by Colleen Wallace |
That night, sick of spending an arm and leg on food, Michael suggested we hit the Casino-- opining that it was probably like Las Vegas where they lure you to the gaming tables with cheap food. Garbed in our typical tourist attire, we swung open the door of the casino and found ourselves surrounded by those in gown and tux. We beat a hasty retreat, almost rendering unconscious a man directly outside the door who was dressed as Elmo and playing the bagpipes. It is a quirky city and we did not have enough time there.
 |
| The greenhouse in Fitzroy Gardens |
 |
| Some of the interesting flora in the gardens. |
 |
| A group practicing qigong in Fitzroy gardens. |
 |
| You can get some very interesting costumes in Queen Victoria Market (these are adult size). |
 |
| The variety of food stalls in the market,... |
 |
| from all sorts of fresh seafood,.... |
 |
| to all sorts of fresh meat, including kangaroo. |
 |
| While walking through Carlton Gardens to the Melbourne Museum we encountered many couples posing for their wedding photos. |
 |
| This groom took a break from the photo session to answer his cell phone. |
 |
| This bride & groom is followed by the bridal party, ... |
 |
| and yet another groom & bride, ... |
 |
| and another, ... |
 |
| and finally another. We decided it must be wedding season in Melbourne & this must be the place to have your wedding photos taken. See what we mean about multi-cultural? |
A Festival of the Feral
Much of this blog will concern animals-- just like the New Zealand one. We shall start with, seemingly, the only animals in the country (Koala excepted) that are not venomous or deadly. These are the feral animals stupidly brought to Australia, who decided to make a break for freedom and have propagated in vast numbers. None of these are venomous or deadly because, while stupid, nobody wants to bring MEAN animals to a new land. So...... drum roll.... the numbers please. Almost 10 rabbits per person. One wild donkey per every five people. One feral cat (pretty damn big and now mean) per person or four per household. One wild pig per person. One feral goat per every ten people. And, one camel per every eight households. Now that's a lot of feral. Makes the NZers look like slackers. And I didn't even get INTO the Cane toads that could take over the entire island! Well, bad as THEY are, you ain't seen nothing yet. Hang on for our forays into the wild.
But First, A Touch of Sophistication
Sydney is a marvelous city. Par for the course, the things we loved most were not what everyone talks about. We didn't even go in the Opera House. I mean, it's OK. But I really think all the photos have overdone it. It looks smaller, concrete drabber, just plunked down in real life. We scratched it off the list. What we loved was the older architecture. Say what you will about Queen Victoria (what DO they say?), the architecture of that period is amazing. The Queen Victoria Building, the walk up Macquarie St...great. They even have a Hyde Park. But I border on the travelog thing. On to the harbor! Yes, time to get on the boats and away from the city again. We hopped the ferry (buckets of ferries to all over) and went to Manly on the first night. The sun was setting behind the Harbor Bridge, the city lights began to sparkle, the wind was up and we were hungry. Perfect. The next day we did a bunch of tourist things and then.... hopped the boat to Watson's Bay. This was a wonderful spot and we hiked probably 4+ miles over hill and dale. Now, we must revisit this "happy, contented country" thing I said about NZ and Australia. We were hiking along The Gap (a trail along cliffs with amazing scenery) when I happened to notice a floral arrangement and note just between the path fence and the cliffs. Then another. Then another. Hmmmm. Then signs asking us to report anyone who has gone past the fence (whether they look despondent or not). Then we see the Hot Line phones (seemingly every 200 feet) urging us to call if we feel at all blue or out of sorts. While staring at the eleventh or twelfth floral arrangement, I strike up a conversation with a local. "Boy, this seems like a lot of suicides," I say. "Oh, yes," she agrees cheerfully. "This is the best place to do it, for sure. Why right here, the nightly news anchor person jumped." She said "G'day" and pranced off. I wonder if he just couldn't take doing one more 25 minute long sports report. Probably had our best meal of the trip there at Doyle's-- a seafood restaurant that has been there forever. Drop by if you get a chance.
 |
| A crested pigeon in Watson's Bay. |
 |
| A view of the Sydney skyline form Watson's Bay |
 |
| Some more interesting flora along the cliffs of Watson's Bay.... |
 |
| and even more. |
 |
| The ocean surf pounds against the sandstone cliffs. |
 |
| A view of the homes and the cliffs on the other side of the Bay. |
 |
| Flowers left to remember those who leapt off the cliffs. This was where the anchorman did it. |
 |
| The sandstone rocks take on interesting shapes as the are scoured by the wind, ... |
 |
| the waves and ... |
 |
| the rain water. |
 |
| The white light house stands out against the blue sky at Watson's Bay. |
 |
| On the walk back through the neighborhoods of Watson's Bay, this dog peeked out of the bush to check us out. |
 |
| The Australian pelican has a black back. |
 |
| A frontal view of the Opera House which was projected to cost A$7 million and take 4 years, but ended up costing A$102 million and 15 years. The state government raised the money through the Opera House Lottery. OK. It is pretty impressive. |
 |
| The people who have chosen to climb the Sydney Harbor Bridge are visible at the top of this photo. |
 |
| Only in Australia on Bondi Beach can you see a man "walking" his cat. |
 |
| The obligatory photo of the Opera House and, ... |
 |
| the not so obligatory photo of Luna Park across the harbor from the Opera House. |
 |
| The Sydney Harbor bridge from the ferry as the sun sets, ... |
 |
and an even more dramatic view (the very tiny bumps which are barely visible on the left of the photo are people who are climbing the bridge).
|
 |
Deirdre's meal at Doyle's.
|
 |
| Michael's meal at Doyle's. |
 |
| A partial view of the clock in the Queen Victoria building. |
 |
| The stained glass, ... |
 |
| a spiral staircase, ... |
 |
| a more complete view of the clock, ... |
 |
| with more detail on the pictorial descriptions shown on the clock, ... |
 |
| with each detailing a period of Australian history, ... |
 |
| including the arrival of the convicts. |
 |
| The dome of the building is amazing, ... |
 |
| as well as the view looking down to the lower floors with the colorful tile floors. |
 |
| The outside of the Queen Victoria building. |
 |
| The art deco chandelier in the Grace Hotel. |
 |
| A stained glass showing the art deco Grace Hotel. |
A Touch of Country
It was time to throw on our trekking clothes and head out into the bush. Well, not really because HORRIBLE things live out there (phobia #5). We chose a more cautious route with a trip out to the Blue Mountains. We were lucky because the weather was clear and great which it often isn't in the fall. And, guess what. When it is clear, the mountains really ARE blue. Well, the air above them is mostly. It has something to do with eucalyptus oil escaping and the.... well, I zoned out. You can look it up. But it was pretty. We went to this place where you could go from the top of the huge mountain to the valley by one of two routes: 1) the world's steepest railway (straight down railway) or 2) a gondola (straight down gondola). I made it almost to the platform of the railway (phobia #1) when I turned and ran back into the lodge -- mortifying Michael as usual. Steeling myself, because I didn't want to spend an hour trapped in the gift shop (phobia #8), I got on the gondola and descended. Thanks to my harrowing experiences with gondolas in Switzerland this was a relative piece of cake. I then had only to hike a half mile or so (stay in the middle of the boardwalk Deirdre and eyes open!) to reconnect with Michael in the swampy, forbidding valley. We had a nice time. There are a bucket of pictures of this so I won't go on more.
 |
| Smash repairs is the Aussie version of an auto body shop. Our guide pointed out that a body shop down under is a little more risque. |
 |
| One of the few steam powered clocks in the world. |
 |
| The steepest railroad in the world --- the Katoomba Scenic Railway. |
 |
| The rail was originally designed to haul coal up the mountain from the coal mines. |
 |
| The entrance to the Katoomba Coal Mine (no longer in operation). |
 |
| The signs along the trail were most helpful. |
 |
| Here is the actual five leaf water vine, whose one strand will support a car. |
 |
| Another helpful sign, ... |
 |
| pointing to this tree fern which is over 250 years old. |
 |
| This Lilli Pilli tree was struck by lightning and killed, but is still supported by the Coachwood tree next to it. |
 |
| This rock formation is called the "Three Sisters". |
 |
| The mountains in the distance have that characteristic blue haze, which gives them their name. |
 |
| This tree almost made us nostalgic for a New England fall. |
Now for the good part. Our first trip to a wild life park. Where all things beautiful and deadly live. I know that you think that I am exaggerating but this is one very, very scary country. Here. Let me just give you a partial list. I will elaborate on some of these a bit later. Here goes: 14 species of poisonous snakes (including the Tai Pan -- most poisonous in the world); 12 species of constrictors; 10 or more species of venomous spiders (we encountered several personally including funnel and golden orb); scorpions; platypus (bet you didn't know); several lizards; box jellyfish; Irukandji jellyfish; lion fish; stone fish; salt water crocodiles; sharks; barracudas; sea snakes; the Australian paralysis tick; cone shells (70 variants --shells that kill! Well, it isn't the shells themselves, it's the snails inside I think). Oh, and there are more like the cassowaries, dingos, Tasmanian Devils and the Flying Foxes (rabies and other fatal viruses). But, we'll get to each in turn.
The first wildlife park was pretty tame compared to the later one we visited, but it allowed us to gently immerse ourselves in the concepts of keeping our fingers out of the cages and maintaining a respectful distance from the fence. And once again, it allowed us to observe nature's stupidest creature, man, in his native environment. My personal favorite was the Buddhist monk, garbed in orange robe, who climbed over the barrier into the Wallaby area and grabbed a big guy around the neck so he could take a selfie standing next to it. The Wallaby clocked him hard. Good job, Wally. I only wished it was a big, old Roo. I will save most of my comments for wildlife park #2 or this blog will never end.
 |
| A tawny frogmouth owl, appropriately named. |
 |
| The obligatory picture with the koala, sleeping of course. |
 |
| A wallaby with its joey. |
 |
| The much sung kookaburra. |
 |
| The lethal cassowary. |
 |
| The wombat. They are mean too. |
 |
| The blue penguin, smallest of the penguin species. |
 |
| The upside down flying fox. |
 |
| And last, but not least, the dingo. |
Onward!
We spent three days in and around Sydney and could have used another couple more (ditto for Melbourne). However, it was time to hop the plane once more for Queensland and the Great Barrier Reef. Do you want to know the best thing about this part of the trip? The Indians DIDN'T GO! No water babies they! Our crew was now down to a manageable 15, relatively well adjusted people. We all trembled with joy.
Cairns (remember, it's Cans in Australian) is a nice, modern city with a long esplanade that parallels the water. The big draw is the Great Barrier Reef. I noticed that they had created a very large salt water swimming lagoon next to the esplanade which seemed fairly redundant what with the Coral Sea fifty feet away. Ah, but there is a reason. The box jellyfish cruise the beaches of Queensland much of the year. They kill you in four minutes or less. So nobody swims for about six months -- eight months if you are a sissy. Thus, the lagoon. Well, the next day was our day to go to the Reef. Prior to departure, I had many questions to pose to the nice young crew member on the boat -- all about box jellyfish. He assured me that they had only a "few" incidents and if you wore the lycra suit that covers every inch of you except your face (googles and snorkel there) you would be fine. Ha! It was a LONG trip to the Outer Reef. The weather was "iffy" and the swells began to grow. And grow. Then the equivalent of the pilot coming on and saying "Flight attendants please be seated" happened and the crew members showed up instantly with barf bags. They were much appreciated by many. Our tour guide, seated next to me, confided: "I really don't know why the Chinese come to the Reef. They always throw up. All of them." I looked around. Yep.
Our destination was a giant pontoon the size of a football field. This was the jumping off point (literally) for our underwater adventures. First we went on a semi-submersible and cruised the reef which was very cool. I actually expected more and better fish but the coral was totally amazing -- both in size and variety. Michael enveloped himself in lycra and snorkeled happily. He played with a sea turtle. He survived. They had underwater scooters that you used with a helmet that pumped air into it while you were tethered to something by a rope. Didn't do it. And a terrible buffet lunch.
 |
| A green sea turtle glided past me, and I decided to follow it. |
 |
| It led me past some interesting coral formations and some colorful tropical fish. |
 |
| Some of the coral was as colorful as the fish... |
 |
| while some of the fish were more colorful than the coral. |
We took the jitney from our hotel to the center of town one evening at dusk. Well! I'll tell you, that was an unexpected adventure. The jitney deposited us on the curb just as the main event of the evening transpired. Simultaneously, approximately 1,500 flying foxes took off from about 20 trees while about a bizillion lorikeets returned from their days outing to roost in an adjacent 20 trees. The flying foxes (AKA fruit bats) have a wing spread of about 3 feet and it is not an exaggeration to say that the sky darkened. While flying foxes are silent (except for the flapping of 3,000 wings) the lorikeets (like parakeets) screech their heads off. If you stand under a lorikeet nesting tree and clap your hands, however, they will shut up. But then they will all poop on you. One tour member tried it. Yep. True. I am telling you this kind of thing happens all the time in Australia....
 |
| These trees are filled with rainbow lorikeets, ... |
 |
| as can be seen in this photo are very aptly named. |
The Final Stretch
Our last day. We began with a trip to a botanical garden which sounds boring but was really excellent. Then on to the Kuranda Railroad, a Victorian era, narrow gauge, railroad that wends through cane fields, up tall mountains, over passes -- etc. It was created by immigrants using only shovels and axes. In fact, all of New Zealand and Australia seemed to be created by people only using shovels and axes. Gold mines, coal mines, roads, bridges, tunnels. I mean, come on. I know they were mostly convicts and stuff but couldn't you give them a machine or two? Oh, time to digress.
 |
| Some of the bright & amazing flora in the botanical gardens, ... |
 |
| and some more, ... |
 |
| and even more. |
 |
| The golden orb spider in its web. |
 |
| The variety of plants in the garden can be seen in this next series of photos. |
 |
| The Kuranda train was decorated with bright aboriginal paintings. |
 |
| On this curved section of the track you can see the front of the train on the trestle bridge. |
 |
| The waterfalls on the train ride were marvelous... |
 |
| until the clouds moved in obscuring the waterfalls. |
 |
| This is an Australian Darter in the wildlife reserve, drying its wings. |
 |
| This is a coffee tree in the wildlife reserve, which used to be a coffee plantation. |
History and Anthropology
The Aborigines got to Australia across a land bridge (sound familiar?) that connected it to Indonesia and Malaysia. This happened somewhere between 50 - 80,000 years ago. Not much has happened since. The aborigines "brought with them a wealth of stories, songs, tribal customs, and ceremonies, many of which are still practiced today." Now this is impressive because it is a totally oral culture and in 50-80,000 years somebody could have forgotten stuff. But, well, let's just say tradition outweighs innovation in this culture.
European Australia doesn't have much history either. Started being settled in the very late 1700s. In 1788 eleven ships arrived at The Rocks in Sydney carrying convicts. That was the first of over 800 shiploads of convicts. It was a dreary situation. By the late 1800s the Rocks was still a squalid area and as late as 1900 they were still experiencing the Black Plague. And I wondered why they were using only picks and shovels. Whereas, for over a century, Aussies spent much time fabricating stories about how their ancestors were NOT convicts, it is now de rigueur to insist that EVERYONE in your family was a convict. Go figure. Most of the initial development was on the coast but when gold was discovered mid-1800s they tried to move inland. Despite the fact that Aborigines had been carving and using trails for thousands or tens of thousands of years, the British refused to just follow them and kept getting lost and dead ended and thus died in diverse and excruciating fashions across the interior. So British. For a very interesting read on how long it took them to figure out moving inland or cross country read
In a Sunburnt Land by Bill Bryson (a riot). An interesting fact is that between World War II and 1973 there were only three years when the Aussies weren't fighting a war somewhere. Never knew that. Kind of like not knowing that the Platypus was poisonous (males only).
So to compare and contrast:
Geography and Geological Formation: Australia split off from a mega continent called Gondwana. New Zealand was formed totally by volcanoes.
Indigenous People: Australian aborigines came from South East Asia while Maori came from Pacific Islands
European Settlers: Australians were convicts. New Zealanders were Presbyterians. I'll take the convicts.
I just raise these points because, before our trip, I kind of thought of the two countries as largely similar. Nope. Not at all.
Back to the Tour
Well, after the train ride it was time for another wildlife park. But not JUST a wildlife park, also a cultural interaction event. Oh God, I hate those. And I was not pleasantly surprised. When we sauntered up to meet our Aboriginal host, he was relaxing behind an aboriginal screen with two pals having a beer and smoking a cigarette. I mean, not that he shouldn't enjoy life's pleasures, but something about the loin cloth, body paint, and his swigging a Foster's struck me as funny and I had to stifle myself. A lot. Well, we then meandered up to the boomerang tossing exhibition that demonstrated two things: 1) he was great with a boomerang; 2) American tourists are bad with a boomerang. I asked him what I thought was a very insightful question and he just stared at me. I didn't take it personally. Off to the Aboriginal Dance Theatre! It is not Swan Lake. There is much foot stomping and not a lot of variation in movement. The theme is always hunting. Hunting, hunting, hunting... dull. Then it was spear throwing. He was very good at it. He was smart enough not to suggest we try it. Our tour guide asked him an insightful question. He just stared at her. It became clear that his job description did not extend to question answering. Then it was over... thank God.
 |
Our aboriginal guide demonstrating the didgeridoo. Oh! I forgot that part mercifully...
|
 |
| The Aboriginal Dance Theater |
But the next part. Wow! We got a wildlife guide who was part Aborigine and WOULD answer questions. First stop--Tasmanian Devils. Such an apt name. These things perpetually run in a circle like maniacs, stopping only to hurl their heads back to emit the singularly most upsetting sound I have ever heard in my life. At night the inner portions of their ears LIGHT UP. The bite each other constantly which has resulted in some strange face cancer that is contagious and now everyone fears they will become extinct. I asked, "Would that be a bad thing?" I received a withering stare. We would have a photo of them but they were so crazed that they appeared only as blurs in pictures. I'm serious. OK. Off to see the Dingos. I don't know why I thought they would look like scrungy hyenas. They looked like handsome tan Huskies. They, too, were hyperactive and would race around the pen and then hurl themselves against the chain link fence which they had bent outward so far that they could hit the bent out pocket and rest there inches from your face. Well. The guide told us that they made good pets. Unlike at the first wildlife park where the guide told us she wouldn't trust them an inch. I said, "Well, I guess the story about the Dingo stealing and eating the child Outback was a rural myth, eh?" "Oh, no," she said. "It's true, but it wasn't the Dingo's fault." What an enabler.
 |
| The dingo balancing on the fence wire. |
From the Dingos it was just a hop and skip over to the Cassowary cage. They are quite handsome and have talons on their feet that allow them to instantly disembowel humans. And they seem to enjoy it. "I'll go in the pen with the 21' Saltwater Crocodile," said the guide. "But NOBODY goes in the Cassowary pen." That says it all. Well, not really. She then gave us some guidance. "If you should encounter a Cassowary in the wild, do not look it in the eye. And do not run. Do not have food on you. Do not wave your arms." "Well," someone asked, "What should you do?" "Hope it leaves," she said. And she left. Now, we just happened to be in the only tiny area of Australia where Cassowaries still exist in the wild. New phobia #14.
 |
| The cassowary staring at Deirdre. |
Finally! Animals that don't want to bite my face, eat me entirely or disembowel me. It was time for the Wallabies. They are very adorable and let you pet them. They had little joeys that were tucked in their Mom's pouches. There was a herd of about 30 and it was clear that our group was really enjoying detoxing with such pleasant creatures but the guide kept us moving. Next, we pulled up to the Salt Water Crocodile enclosures. They had two. Each of them was over 20 feet. We got quite an earful about how you really shouldn't swim in the rivers anywhere near there. Ever. Don't even go in a small boat. Then she told us how Croc #2 ended up in the wildlife park. He was originally going to be used as a breeder at a Croc farm ( a croc farm--- what?). However, he killed and ate the first TWELVE potential mates they provided him with so he was exiled here. TWELVE. Are these people dense? Did they think after number 4, then 5, then 6 that they would finally, magically find the girl that could make him happy at last? I am telling you, it is a strange place.
 |
| The wallaby (checking out its joey?). |
 |
| The Croc that ate all of its mates. |
Time for something cute again. The Koalas. And they are adorable. And one had a baby. But they are pretty boring because they sleep 21 hours a day. It is not because they are feckless and lazy or lack imagination. It is because they only eat eucalyptus leaves which have essentially no nutrients. So, they sleep all the time. Perhaps they ARE without imagination. I mean, they could go and find something else to eat and be more animated and entertain us more. Feckless, lazy things. No more loving you.
The tour was drawing to a close as we entered the Reptile House (phobias #2, 5 and several others). I did not want to embarrass Michael by fleeing so I just walked in mincing steps right in the middle of the hallway while darting my eyes in all directions. There were MANY reptiles. One cage was empty and I hoped it was just on vacation, or better yet dead, rather than lurking outside my field of vision. To distract myself, I asked the zoo guide if pythons, such as the particularly nasty number in the case to my left, lived in the area around the wildlife park. "Oh yes," she replied. "They're everywhere. We really are trying to do something with the one that has been giving us trouble." "HERE?," I screeched, "in the park?" "Well, yes. Last week, this python came right down from that Palm there where it lives (200 ' away) and it ate a wallaby and its joey. It's about 5 meters long (20 FEET!) so you need a number of people to grapple it round." Mother of God. I pulled myself together and said, "Oh, so they must be nocturnal, right?" I assumed they would have shot the sucker if they were there witnessing the mayhem. "No, he took the Wally in the middle of the day." I could picture the school group getting a real time lesson in survival of the fittest as the guide rambled on about the harsh realities of nature and several seven year olds had nervous breakdowns. Hell, I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I grabbed Michael by the hand and fled.
 |
| A monitor lizard, with rather intimidating claws. |
But we still had to get back to town. And then survive one more night before we could board our plane to the U.S. The bus trip wasn't long but they decided to stop for a break at a scenic overlook. As everyone pulled their cameras out and focused on the beautiful scene which encompassed mountains, valleys and the distant ocean, I looked down at the sign that was affixed to the guardrail. I will ask Michael to include a photo I made him take of the sign. "Don't feed the Cassowaries" They are mad. They are all mad.
 |
| From the lookout you can see the body of water where the Australians water ski by being pulled by a rope that goes in a circle around the lake. It is clear that no one in Oceania understands that a boat is integral to water skiing. |
 |
| The warning sign at the lookout. |
Well, we did survive. We did board a plane at 4:30A.M. to fly to Brisbane and did manage to arrive in L.A. before we left Brisbane (think about it). We spent two great days with elder son Justin there (and two on the way out) which eased the jet lag. He is doing well. So, our trip proved that danger comes in many forms. For our NOB friends who fear for our safety in Mexico, forget about us and channel your worry to those poor souls in Australia who cheat death every time they open the front door and walk out into their scary world. More soon.
A correction from the last blog. One of our faithful readers (yep, you Mike G.) mentioned that we mis-identified the bird as a kiwi. After some research we identified the bird as a weka (another form of flightless bird from New Zealand).
